By Terry Ott

Oh the humanity!

Upon this day it appears that Lady Heathen Millstone, late(ly) of McCartney, hath called the city coppers to report that some fine art paintings had been nicked from her digs just outside London towne.

If true, this is a "we will never surrender" moment.

Millstone, evidently, has vowed to fight McQuickly on the beaches and courts and dockets for the right to retain items that Dirk most likely bought anyways, or something near to that eventuality in any event.

Yet perhaps it was all a ghastly mistake, as Dirk is known to lift a brush or two, and quite possibly he was "borrowing" the paintings for reference, for his next highly derivative art exhibit at the Pretentious Gallery, Soho.

(Some have also accused Dirk of poaching the words for When I'm 64 from the Bard, so is there a pattern here?)

Or, as usual, is this the demon UK press grabbing hold of the stick and beating the wrong bush and bob with it?

Cor blimey, what happened to fine English manners?

Are they all bloody ravers?

There is no future, and England's dreamin'!!!!

Hope you'se all had a Merry Crimble, or whatever.

Over the Yule, I received an E from Joy, out Philly way.

Joy informed that she was actually in attendance at the actual famous Shea Stadium Beatles concert, and even claims that her screaming can be heard on the film made of the event, actually.

Now, I'm not sure that that observation has not been lost in the fog of culture wars over the years, yet who am I to question a Che survivor?

Joy provided evidence, to wit a ticket stub: Sec. 40, Box 848A, Seat 5, that had a face value of $5.65.

Not sure how good this seat was but, as Mick said in the Rutles, "you couldn't 'ear anything," anyways, so, what the hell?

However, one of the interesting things that I have noted through the years is that just about every person that I have communicated with that saw a Beatles show in the US or Canada, won their tickets from a radio station.

Joy, and 99 others did over 40 years ago, and that's how they ended up seeing the show.

My 3 tickets to the Sept. 7, 1964 matinee show in Toronto came via some friends of my grandmother, who owned a small ticket agency in Hamilton, Ontario, catering to events at Maple leaf Gardens, the venue presenting the Fabs.

Although the tix had gone on sale in June and sold out in hours, the agency was given an allotment, and when there was a last minute cancellation, my granny got a call, and the rest as they say, is history.

I'd be happy to hear any other 64-66 concert stories.

Wow, how did 38 months and 500 posts go by faster than speeding bullet, and an Apple promise?

In October of 2003, Coach Steve Marriachi and I were discussing how I could contribute to AbbeyRd on a regular basis, without causing Steve any (more) extra work.

"Why don't you do a blog," asked Coach.

"What the fook is a Blog," stammered moi.

Even after Coach explained it, I begged him to do the set-up for me, and once again, now we have all this, the 4th best Beatle Blog, as named by the London Times. (Still find it hard to believe that one!)

So we started Blogging back in a day when not everyone and their bloody dog did so.

Yet as Johnny Moondog once sang, "what have you done?"

Well, right off the top I'd say some BBs have sent a few Macca Madhatters round the bend, although it is certainly far from the olde daze when I could coax them out to play rather easily.

But yes, I still do get my fair share of hate mail about some of the things I write, and not treating the Fab subject matter like some Dead Sea Scrolls. Yet 99 percent of my e-mail-of which I still answer every one-is from intelligent, sincere, hip, well-informed fans of the Beatles, and which articulates what the group meant to all of us all those years ago, and now.

First Gen, Second Gen, and even younger; I seem to have heard from a segement of all.

To the BB readers from all over the world, I say a big-up, West Side, to ya.

A mate of mine in Jolly Olde England has asked me how I can stand coming up with something different about the Fabs on the average of once every 48 hours or so over the course of 1200 days, or about there.

(It's getting better all the time-it can't get no worse-and I'm doing the best that I can.)

My only reply to me mate could be that this is a privilege to be hooked up to a site like AbbeyRd and the Coach, and that it is just plain a labour of love for me-and FUN!

And that's why I get a smile at those who scold me when their fantasies and long held myths about the Beatles are given a (sometimes twisted) reality pin prick.

The boys, after all, knew how to get through a hard day's night with a smile and a stiff upper lip.

To quote a guy I have sort of admired since 1964, "all I can tell you is, it's all showbiz."

Will your dear correspondent make it to 1000, or lesser-whatever?

Well, the Fabs lasted about 9 years, so it's the least I could do...

And as Dirk McQuickly would say with a big thumbs-up, all the best!

In order of import:

1/ UK catalogue remastered yesterday, in 24 bit
2/ At least part of the above in 5.1
3/ Special editions of Sgt. P and White in stereo, mono, and 5.1
4/ The rest of the US Beatle Albums
5/ Hollywood Bowl
6/ Let it Be/Rot on DVD
7/ Help/Ouch! remastered in 5.1 on DVD
8/ Beatletoons remastered and released
9/ A George Harrison rarities/outtakes, alts, box set
10/ A Ringo Starr as above, same
11/ Another John Lennon Anthology
12/ A proper Dirk McQuickly box set
13/ A collection of Beatle promo films
14/ A Hard Day's Night/Rut, US edition
15/ Some rhyme or reason as to how the bloody 'ell all of the above may/ or may not, happen

Yes, I know I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

Perhaps one day they'll come to their senses

And we will be as one

Merry Crimble, etc.

Well, well, well, and yet well again.

The UK papers are now saying that Heathen Millstone is going apeshit because Pauli Mac has secured his baby daughter for Christmas celebrations, whilst Heathen must cool her heels with her personal boy-toy assistant, and/or other.

You Scrooge, Dirk!

Good God man. No matter how much Heathen is the hellion, a child's place at X-Mas belongs with his mammy, just like Al Jolson used to sing.

Of course Dirk would surely know how to do well the holiday, but a daddy with no mommy just ain't kosher at Christmas.

How about for the good of the poor little child, the warring matrimonials agree not to kill each other for say, 2 or 3 hours on X-Mas morn, and make nice opening presents and such.

I mean, Heathen could even buy such an arrangement, taking off say a mill or two from the eventual settlement, just make Christmas copacetic.

Well, it's a thought, ain't it?

But then again, I could have thought of something else.

Possibly under the heading of too much time on their hands, and then again possibly not, the Classic Albums Live fellas up in the great White North of Canuckistan, recently embarked on the mother of all concerts in Toronto.

Yes, last weekend they assembled a 20 piece band and ran through EVERY UK Beatle album in chronological order so as to maybe set a world record, maybe not.

But in any event it appears it was a noble try, BUT, what about the singles?

Sure 211 songs lasting 12 hours is pretty darn good, but hey, the singles-which were for the most part left off the UK releases are big songs, and, well the boys in TO need to try the albums and the 45s, next time.

And what about the X-Mas album?

Still, kinda neat as it has now been 40 years since the Fabs played Toronto's Maple Leaf Gardens for the final time-incidentally to less than SRO crowds.

Now, we want to see someone do the Complete Rutles!

Maybe all those freaks was right when John Lennon said you was dead, yet perhaps the most "believable" Beatle myth/hoax occurred now some 30 year ago this anum of uranum (another clue for you all).

Who could forget Calling Occupants, by Klaatu, which for a brief time in 1976 were hyped as the Beatles reunited in disguise.

Here, from an issue of the '76 Providence Journal is (part) of the story, penned by Steve Smith, and headlined, "Could Klaatu Be The Beatles?"

"Who are Klaatu? That is the mystery. Their names are being kept secret by Capitol records...and the band will not submit to any publicity pictures. they are rumoured to be independently wealthy. Capitol claims to have no knowledge of the identities of the band members..."

If you were around back in the summer of 1976, you may recall that the belief that Klaatu WAS the Beatles-Calling Occupants did sort of sound Beatlish-became pot-head party fodder, and their album, 3:47 EST, did have a big sun-face on the cover. (Get it: here comes the sun, redux.)

Geez, Klaatu was even on the Beatles record label, and, well, when stoned anything was possible.

Alas, Klaatu were really 4 guys from southern Ontario, Canada, and by the end of '76, the rumour/hoax-which at first Capitol did nothing to discourage-was rendered rather archaic and silly.

Yet if you have an interest to learn more about Klaatu, check out the special 2CD set from Canada's Bullseye Records, entitled Sunset.

The set is packed full of Klaatu unreleased tracks,rarities, singles and album cuts that you may, or may not know.

An excellent 38 page booklet helps explain the mystery of Klaatu, and for the hard-core Fabs' completist, it may be a must-have.

You can order it from www.bullseyecanada.com

Thanks to Lisa Miller of Bullseye for her assistance.

Perhaps to compete with Yoko Ono's problems, or perhaps not, Heathen Millstone says the coppers have warned her that she is high on the hit-list of those who hate her guts, and adore her ex-hubby, Pauly McCartney.

Yes, the Liverpool constabulary hath advised Millstone that they have received credible threats against Heathen, of which some of the would-be killers described as a "gold-digger."

Now, I am at a loss to figger how that gold-digging is capital punishment offense, but apparently, they take their ageing rock icons seriously in the olde 'Pool.

Interestingly, this latest bit of bother comes on the heels of a report that Maaca/Millstone will be settled out of the ring, for a reputed 200-300 million Beatle bucks, as predicted here well over a month ago.

Some e'd at that time to call your dear correspondent daft, but I stand by my musings.

In other words, far be it from me to say 'I told you so,' but well, I told you so.

Now, all that's left to be sorted is how much the legalists get, which I'd reckon would add a nice bit of brass under their collective, festive trees.

As for Dirk, all he wants for Christmas is a new ho, ho, ho.

So, what to make of this latest hired hand cock-up with Ms. Yoko Ono?

Dear Yoko, you do seem to have trouble with the help through the years, no?

First there was Fred Seaman, and now we have all this with the big Turk driver, who surely must deserve some kind of award for working for Ms. Ono for about 10 years.

(At least Seaman got a book-and a lawsuit- out the experience.)

Yet, if one is to believe in totality the ongoing reports in the New York Times regarding the driver's alleged plot, extortion and even murder threat against Ono, than this guy will surely be going up the river, sooner rather than later.

All those who know the driver say he was just the nicest, quiet guy, but then again, that is what seems to be said every time a surprise allegation is made against a non-criminal type.

Of course, all of Yoko's friends are weighing in with support and clucking basically that the allegations do not surprise them-such is Ono's vulnerability-but this whole incident seems so wacky, that it may take some time before it gets sorted.

Between then and now, hopefully, we won't have to hear too much more from Yoko mouthpiece Elliot Mintz, who quite frankly, gives me gas.

And remeber Yoko, this is forgiveness time...

When I interviewed Yoko Ono for the National Post in 2000, I remember that she was very proud of her performance at the Toronto Rock and Roll Revival Show, an all day and evening rock festival held at Toronto's Varsity Stadium in September, 1969.

Although some very great rockers like Bo Diddley, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Doors and Alice Cooper performed, the concert became best known as "Live Peace in Toronto," with headliners John Lennon and the Plastic Ono Band.

As I have mentioned in previous BBs, I have had a version of that performance since it was originally released in 1970, but had not really watched in entirety the DA Pennebaker doc of the event-Sweet Toronto-until recently.

Of course to most people, side two of Live Peace-where John announces that now "Yoko's gonna do her thing, all over you," is akin to root canal, but you have to see the film of the gig to fully get gotten all over.

While Ms. Ono spends much of the first 5 rock songs in a white bag at John's feet-emerging to scream and warble infrequently, as well as show John the lyrics to his songs-it is the "performance" pieces of the last part of the show that are unbelievable to watch.

After about 15 minutes of feedback and shrieks, John and the musicians gather at the side of what passes for a stage to have a smoke, and one might Imagine not only pray for peace, but also for Yoko to wind it up.

When the thing finally ended, the crowd sat in stunned silence, as amps popped and hummed.

You gotta see it, to believe it.

But John did look kinda spiffy just after kicking H and wearing his Abbey Road white suit.

Ah, the 60s...

Well, the readers of the 4th Best Beatle Blog-as selected by the London Times-have spoken, er, written.

And all they are saying, is, give Love a chance.

Especially the one reader who basically wrote that your deer correspondent, was, well, just about nutters, as they say in the UK, mate.

How dare, he said, I suggest that Love was only, or otherwise,
"just" a soundtrack!

Well, by definition, that's exactly what it is.

And here's some more that took the time to e me:

Rick the Texan sez he loves Love because he got it from Apple via the Internet free.
Happy Krimble, he adds.

Todd from Minneapolis gives Love an "OK," but bemoans that there is no (legit) Beatles video collection.

Bob e'd to say that while Love "was an anomaly," he still liked it.

Claus questioned my question of whether Love would sell. "If Love was only for the diehards, why did it make Billboard's #3?" Good question. Damn good.

Ron sez that he likes Love, but that it did not go far enough with mixes.

Lowbasso wants more Beatles MASHER releases.

But the last word this time goes to Berkeley Lissa: "I don't find it necessary to have every bleedin' configuration of their music reissued and and reissued (ad)infinitum."***

Had to look that last word up...

Thanks to all who answered the call.


***Lissa protested that I cherry-picked her quote, leaving off the qualifier, "I love the B's and love their songs but... I don't find it necessary...etc"

I think she was afraid a pack of MMs would damn her, and wanted to set the record straight.

So there!

No magazine stands stuffed with John Lennon issues and in memory of's and TV docs this an um, the 26th anniversary of John's murder in New York City by a doltish lunatic.

In fact, if Yoko Ono had not put her full pager in the NYTimes a few weeks back asking for universal forgiveness for bad guys, all but the hardcore would have missed today's dark remembrance.

And to tell you the truth, it gets kind of maudlin and macabre after a while.

We like to think we can help feel Yoko's pain, but that is nothing but a smarmy illusion created by the mass media and our perceived "ownership" of the Beatles.

In my opinion, that is rather sad and needy.

So I am going to give the last word today to reader Jeff who e'd to comment on Mark David Chapman's chance for parole:

Terry,

I say let Chapman out.
Then book him as a guest at The fest For Beatle Fans.
He can meet his buddy Jesus Christ.
I'll be happy to handle the introductions.

Cheers,

Jeff

A friend of mine-don't you say it!-here up in the great White North of Canuckistan owns an independent record shop, and he and you dear correspondent have had a continuing discussion/argument about the last 5 years or so of Beatles releases.

It is mon amee's opine that only the die hard "get-a-lifers" actually care enough to buy such fare as the Capitol Albums Vol 1&2, Let it Rot Naked, and now Love.

Now while I don't fully agree with his statement, I do get his point.

He sez that in his store, only Sgt. P, White and Abbey Road are consistent sellers, and possibly 1, because average fans just want the gems, or hits.

According to my buddy, he may have sold one or two copies of Love, and that even those few that can enjoy it in 5.1 will play it once or twice and then shelve the sucker.

Once again, not sure about that, but, he does have a point, meethinks.

As a Beatles record, Love is a great Vegas soundtrack. If ya catch me drift, mate.

So, I would really like to hear from you'se out there, as to what you think of the whole cock-up.

Is it all you need is more, or all THEY need is (more) cash?

So, the widow of John Lennon, Mz. Yoko Ono, has recently said that she is not sure if she is ready to forgive the diabolical dickhead Mark David Chapman for his psychotic actions of Dec. 8, 1980.

I guess we will find out for sure-at least sort of-if Mz. Ono does not object (again) to MDC's next parole possibility hearing, as that is probably at least 75% of what is keeping him in the klink.

However, as I have mentioned in previous BBs, MDC has already served well over the average for first degree murder in New York State, a period of incarceration that rarely exceeds 20 years. Is it "fair" to keep him in because he killed a Beatle?

Additionally, it may be in Chapman's interest to stick around in the joint, because at present, there is still a pretty good chance that some other, crazed, "fan" might take a shot or a hatchet to perhaps one of the most senseless killers in North American history.

As in the Manson girls situation, I very much doubt that any of them-even after nearly 38 years behind bars-will get out until old Charlie croaks, and accordingly I doubt MDC will be sprung until Yoko is sadly, no longer with us.

Perhaps, if MDC makes it into his late 60s-and the current revengeful Baby Boomers are gumming down their pablum at the olde age home and their kids have taken away their firesticks, then the dopey fat bastard might get sprung.

But as Mick once opined, "I 'ope not."

And I won't be "forgiving" MDC any time soon, neither.

He's nuts.

A British publication reported over the week-end, that Heathen Millstone, late of Dirk McQuickly hath been receiving threats against her personal self, including and up to homicide.

While there are certainly no shortage of nut-bars out there that would or could make such threats, I sincerely doubt that any would carry that weight through.

Still, we would Imagine that Heathen would have to be on her toes-Ha!-because in this mad, mad, mad and mad world, I guess anything is possible.

After all, the world loves its Beatles, and Heathen has committed a mortal sin in that world, to wit, thou shalt not criticize a Beatle.

Hell, thous shalt not even marry a Beatle, especially if all ye want is cash.

So yes, rancour has gestated over the past months, and I'm sure Millstone's security team will take the reasonable precautions.

Yet, to play devil's advocate, could it be possible that these sinister reports could have been cooked up-and fed to the media like pablum-to make the public more sympathetic to Heathen who at present is pretty much loathed?

Who knows?

Media reports report that our dear Pauly McCartney Nee Millstone has been round to see a shrink to deal with his wanking split from soon to be ex, Heathen.

Oh, the humanity!

In the opinion of the 4th best Beatle Blogger in the whole wide www, I say, bravo Dirk!

Because contrary to myth, anyone who sees a psych, does not necessarily need their head examined.

But why has Dirk (apparently, maybe, not) gone nuts, then?

Well, recall the movie Trading Places with Eddie Murphy?

In the film, Eddie's character-who is being used as a social experiment to "prove" that it is nature, not nurture that rules our destiny-or vice the verse-comments that the best way to hurt rich people is to turn them into poor people, or an approximation there of.

So, if Millstone makes off with 200 mill or so, this could make Macca very, very hurt(ing), indeed.

And I doubt Dirk's therapist would have that kind of money to loan the olde Rutle, so why would Macca bother?

You never give me your money, etc.

(What do you want; it's the for weekend for fooking sake.)

Well, (well, well), it did not take the TOUP wizards long to be (another) weed up Apple/Rutle/EMI's arse.

Within 2 weeks of the LOve soundtrack release, there are now BitTorrent downloads available of isolated tracks from the legit. 5.1 version of Love.

The boys are calling this-wait for it-Loveology. Cute.

And you know what? Besides the fact that some of these iso's are very neat indeed, some of been used to make new Love mash-ups that may be superior to the legit ones!

Really, the genie is out of the bottle for ANYONE, let alone Rutle Corps, to hold on to their copyrighted material from the cyber-nickers.

Getting courts to zap Napster was one thing, but how do you stop multiple audio geeks from doing their thing and then impressing Internet forums, and Bloggers?

Answer: you can't.

While most Rutle/Apple/Cap/EMI projects take years to come to fruition, we are now talking about good product being available from the "grey market", within months.

Or, to note Brian Winan's remark on the Beatlegs forum, "how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?"

Regular reader Pat e'd to say, for God's sake, all we are saying is, give Macca a chance.

As a female, Pat assures that her breed can be very vindictive, and she guesses that poor Dirk will be skinned alive by the menacing Millstone, and, well, it just ain't right.

Yes, admits Pat, Dirk is an arrogant knob, but does He deserve to denuded by a scheming tart?

Good question.

As you know, I think Dirk daft for what he has done, but then he won't be the first guy-or last-to lead with his peter, and not his brain. (A peter-brain, I believe the Brits call them.)

Still you know, Dirk can be just a lovely guy and here is some poof, er proof.

Check out the Radio Leeds website, for a the first chat Macca had after the Beatles broke up.

It dates to 1972, and has a quite down to earth Macca discussing Wings, and things.

Please seek out, and pray for Dirk.

Or, to quote the Nat Lamp Radio Dinner circa 1972 as well

Give Ireland back to Irish
Give Lapland back to Laps
Give China back to Chinese
And Yoko back to the Japs

No intents offended, or as Jona Rivers liked to say "Oh grow up!"

Heathen Millstone has upon this day went to court to snatch a house from the belongings of Dirk McQuickly, former sugar-daddy.

Your dear correspondent has a good mate in the jolly olde UK who sends the newz almost every day, and it is a wankers world, for sure.

And so now Heathen is trying get some new digs out of Macca, so she shant feel the pea under mattress.

Geez, and many thought the Rutles too far out!

Good God, as I have noted ad nauseum, the real-life Beatles-especially Paul-appear to be acting more wacky than the fabulous Rutles, and I mean, how weird is that?

I guess it means Eric Idle IS a genius, because he called it correctly nearly 30 years ago (today) with All You Need Is Cash.

And cash-lots of it-is what Millstone will surely collect, and the faster that Dirk wises up and stops being so skint with his former wifey, the better it will eventually go for Him.

Plus, soon as he pays her off, the faster we get rid of her in the media.

Hurry up Macca!!!!