By Terry Ott

Can you believe it sisters and brothers?

It was 37 years ago today (Jan. 30) that the Fabulous Four took to the roof of the Apple World HQ in downtown swingin' London, England, to peform a 40 minute concert for the ill fated Let it Be film.

On a cold and blustery day-John Lennon mumbled "fingers too cold to play the chords"-the Beatles blasted out enough joyful noise to wake up the staid mid-town district, and bring the coppers knockin' to tell the freezing Fabs to knock it off.

Great, if sloppy, music came from this mini show, and if you are fortunate enough to know someone in the so-called "collectors" market, you may be able to listen to the whole performance, including God Save The Queen, and multiple takes of Get Back.

Now, the reason I bring this up for discussion- besides the obvious anniversary- is that the current ish of MOJO magazine has a little thing that claims-ha!- that there may have been-ready for it!-yes, a Beatles reunion sometime in 1981.

According to MOJO, Paul McCartney had a clause in his then new CBS records contract that would allow him to record as a unit, with the other 3 Fabs.

But also according to MOJO, Ms. Yoko Ono was not too keen on the idea, and seperate reports from that era also claim that Yoko was concerned with "controlling" John and had even gone so far to attend a "black magic" festival in South America, where,it is said, she was looking for witchy tips.

Now, this could all be,as they say in the UK, bollocks, but hey, truth is ALWAYS stranger than fiction, especially in Beatles circles.

Despite all the recent revisionism about whether there would or would not have been a reunion in the 80s, I say, no, there would not have been.

Yoko would have been a big factor but also, John and Paul had been "divorced" already for over 10 years, and very few-if any-marriages which are disolved and then re-consumated work out, especially a show-biz one a messy decade after the fact.

John and Paul-and even George and Ringo-had become very big stars in their own right, and the days of two tunes for George, one for Ringo on any project would not have flown. In fact, it would have crashed, big time.

Now, if all had survived, I think we would have seen a "reunion" around the time of the Anthology, because as it actually played out for the Anthology, a lot of the old bad water had been carried under and away from that confounded bridge. Although it did appear that Stig was still having a poke at Dirk whenever he could.

It has been written that it was Macca way back in the late 50s who took an extremely talented but scatter-brained John and got him into actually writing music, and the rest is obviously history.

If it just so happened with Linda McCartney gone, and Yoko cast out or whatever at loose ends, could the special J&P chemistry been re-ignited?

Hell, we will never know.

With all due respect to Coach Steve and AbbeyRD-which has posted a link to sign a petition against the upcoming Chapter 27 movie about Mark David Chapman-I won't be clicking on any buttons to suppress free expression of art.

In an eerie epilogue to the Bob Spitz piss-fest, once again we have an organized campaign against something that is not even released yet, and that very few pople have even seen.

Look, I am NO apologist for MDC, But I AM someone who considers the boycotting of "art," to be the first step towards a Fascist society, of which, considering the current political climate in the United States, is a cautionary red flag, indeed.

Plus, the individuals behind these jihads don't seem to understand that boycotts and petitions seldom achieve their desired effect, and that ironically, they usually just drum up interest in the very thing the jihadists want to do away with in the first place.

Go figger that logic.

In addition, does not this type of nonsense bring back the memory of 1966, when some crazed media outlets in the US tried to get the Beatles banned for a statement made by John Lennon about relgion. Records and books were burned.

Good God people, was this not a lesson for all?

If the movie sucks, or is a glorification of MDC's madness, I'm sure it will fail.

But if it adds intelligent discussion to the debate about mental illness and the availibilty of firearms, then in my mind, it will be a positive.

It all started in Nazi Germany with burning books, the attempt to destroy or suppress ideas, and that, is so much NOT what the Beatles were about.

Let this film come to market, and let the filmgoers decide whether it should be praised, or sent to the trash bin of Beatle history.

Many of the Fabs fans who did not particularly care for last year's bevy of Beatle books have been chanting the mantra of "just wait until Mark Lewisohn's 3 volume set comes out."

Presently, Lewisohn is absolutely considered by even normal and well adjusted fans to be the 10 Commandants scribler of Beatle writing, just on the basis of his now 15 year old Beatles Recording Sessions books.

Some insiders chuckle at this notion as while Mark may be a great list maker and chronicaller, he has nary or little a track record as narrative tome teller, which presumably is what the 3 book set he is working on for the next 10 years will be about.

Now I ain't sayin' that Mark can't or won't come up with a good, or even definitive collection on the Fabs, but for God's sake, look what befell Bob Spitz when he weighed in with his 1000 pager last fall.

Spitz was sliced and diced by a group of individuals who were stealthy and cunning in their Internet campaign to take down Spitz's book, in some cases, before it was even offically published!

Regular readers of Beatle Bits will recall that I tried to neuter these jackals with, after many battles, some limited success.

So let's just say that Lewishon comes up with 3000-5000 pages overall across 3 volumes. That is a lot of words for the mariginally adjusted to dissect and pick apart, especially when many times that's about all they have to do 24/7/52

So Spitz's travails should stand as a cautionary tale for Lewisohn, for I suspect that those heaping praise on the Sessions author now, will quickly set upon him if they or the infamous "Internet wankers" find many "glaring errors," or, as in the case of Spitz, there is a campaign to discredit Lewisohn for whatever reason.

And word on the street is that Apple is no longer cozy with Lewisohn, and Paul McCartney is said at this point to not be interested in granting interview time. Haven't heard about Ringo Starr's plans, but it would seem to me that it would be a tall order to get-as the publisher claims is a comprehensive set of books-without the first hand input of even one Beatle.

Of course, Lewisohn will be making the rounds of all the usual suspect insiders, but most of their stories have been told in one form or another, especially after the many Beatle books of 2005.

It could be very tough for Mark to come up with any really new and newsy stuff, especially enough to fill 3 books worth without repeating and re-telling the same stories that have been out there for 35 years.

I guess Lewisohn's 5 million buck plus advance will surely put a burr under his butt in the saddle, but it may also put a lot of pressure on the poor lad to do the impossible, really.

Beatle history is a living, breathing thing that has become much more transparent-albeit sometimes flat out wrong- with the advent of the Internet.

In my opinion, and given all of the above, I doubt anyone will write the final word on the Fabs for at least 25 years, if then.

Yet, I will look forward to Lewisohn's literary parting of the Red Sea, and hope he does not get his feet too wet.

As your cheerful correspondent has shared with you through the years, I get my share-some would say more than my share-of readers who, to put it clinically and exactly, are nuts.

Now far be it from me-and Coach Steve's heartburn-to identify any particular arachide, but one reader who pestered me until I no longer replied-and that takes a lot-will be happy to know that a release I made mention of last year is about to see the light of day in March.

Yes, Live Peace in Toronto, the (in)famous John Lennon Plastic Ono Band concert from the Toronto Rock and Roll Revival festival circa Sept. 1969, will be released by MFSL as a gold disc CD.

No word yet on whether this new edition will be the original stereo mix that was prepared by John in '69 and released on the original vinyl and included on a few tracks in the first Lennon CD box set, the mix that was used for the 1995 CD reissue, or something else altogether prepared by Yoko Ono in 2005.

Apparently, John originally mixed Yoko's wailings well down during the band's side one rock set, but if the multis still exsist, then, well, one never knows what Ms. Ono will come up with.

When I bought this album as a 15 year old in 1970, I loved side one, the calendar, and actually also loved side two-20 minutes of YO's shrieks-because it drove my parents mad.

In 1973, I met a woman who had been at the concert, and she said that the crowd booed and hissed, and that her most vivd memory was that of a mounted policeman near the stage trying to control his horse who was going snakey from the feedback and wails in what John announced at the time was "Yoko doing her thing, all over ya."

I mean, even with my cheap 1968 vintage record player, the noise on side two of Live Peace was absolutely brutal and I just can't imagine what it must have been like in the front row. Enough to make one puke, I would guess.

In any event, I hope MFSL reproduces ALL of the original artwork including the calendar, and furthermore, I hope the mix and mastering will be worth the $30 plus price tag.

Have fun and enjoy, Ike!

Some of you may have heard about the latest cock-up with fiction author James Frey, whose supposedly real memoir, A Million Little Pieces, has been exposed to be somewhat of a fraud. (Check out www.thesmokinggun.com for more)

And that got me thinking about the Beatles, because in the world of Fab news, lies and embellishments are the lubricant of the genre. Or, as they say in polite company, the horseshit on the sandwhich.

For instance, a fella I had never heard of before posted a report on Yahoo Beatles Collectors forum-you know, the one that I am banned from-saying that not only was the rumoured "Heavy" album likely a go, but the whole or some of the back catalogue is set to be unleashed in 5.1, AND the fabled 27 minute version of Helter Skelter will soon be among us. And as if that were not enough, PLUS, an unreleased Beatles song just to add the icing on the cake.

Ha!

If any of the above is even as true as Frey's book, I will not have anything to hide 'cept for me and my monkey.

In fact, if this "story" is true, I'll spank that damn monkey real good.

But this is how these kinds of stories get started.

Someone sez that someone told someone that someone else they know told that someone that someone said that this or that was going to come out and before you know it, some one in the mainstream press picks it up, and then, well, we have all this.

As they say over in jolly olde England: bollocks!

Until the Apple/EMI legals are decided, we will be lucky to see any solo Fabs stuff, let alone group material.

Or, as they say over here in North America: the story is surely bullshit, with apologies to the horse, of course.

But despite my major misgivings, as the song goes, tomorrow never knows...

"I'm sensitive as shit."

John Lennon

Most first gen Beatles fans remember the National Lampoon magazine and Radio Hour, both of which were required consumption for hip Baby Boomers in the 70s.

Many think that Eric Idle was the first to satirize the Fabs first with bits on Rutland Weekend Television in 1975, and then later with the full length Rutles movie in 1978.

But actually, the first comedy-meisters to mock the Lads was the National Lampoon, with their first comedy album, Radio Dinner, released in late 1972.

Although John Lennon's (in)famous 1971 interview with Rolling Stone magazine entitled Lennon Remembers was a sensation at the time and taken very seriously, just 2 years later, the Lampoon was to use John's own words in a hilarious send-up of a Lennon circa 1970 song.

The Lampoon takes statements made by John to RS, such, "I'm sensitive as shit," "I throw up before I go on stage," "If I could be a fisherman, I would but I can't because I'm a f**king genius," "genius is pain," "Don't Worry Kyoko was the best f**king rock and roll record ever made," and so on.

I used to love to wait late into the evening after my guests were nicely buzzed, and then put on this record-which by the way originally in Canada had all the F words beeped out-and many of my friends actually thought it was John Lennon.

John is not the only one to get lampooned though. George Harrison gets his, when the NP parodies the Concert For Bangla Desh, and well, you just have to hear it to believe it. Yoko too, takes a shot as well, and is a must hear.

National Lampoon has recently collected 3 of their best comedy albums and a best of disc-with the Lennon song parody- in a 4 CD box set, entitled, The Classic National Lampoon Box Set.

Radio Dinner, with the full Lennon and Harrison bits, has also recently been reissued on CD as well.

I strongly recommend seeking these CDs out, and having a laugh on the Fabs.

ADDED NOTE: Mucho thanks to reader Mike who reminded of the Nat Lamp 1977 Beatles special magazine, which had for its cover, the Fabs flattened by a steamroller whilst crossing Abbey Road.

A McCartney autopsy circa 1966, and a album in tribute to Brian Epstein entitled, Rabbi Saul, with the song Hey Juden.

And much more.

Cheeky and totaly no PC, but oh so funny.

"Ah, the frailty of 'free speech,' as practiced by arbitrary vanity press. Sod 'em."

Ron Nasty, trying to bring some Jenny Say Qua? to the Internet


My dear, fellow, Beatle peeple, I come to you today with a heavy heart.

Yes, it is my sad duty to inform you that your trusty correspondent has heretofore been BANNED, sacked, thrown off, fired from the Yahoo Beatles Collectors forum, of which I have been a loyal member for about 5 years.

Free speech may be (sort of) alive in the greater US of A, but not on this forum, where if they don't care for your POV, you are shown the door. I asked to see their door, but they wouldn't show it to me.

Granted,I had been walking on thin ice (sorry!) over the Spitz book pissfest-with many of my posts being censored-but my latest offerings apparently pushed the thought and morality policeperson running the sad show to electonically castrate me as it were, and I can no longer post my lively missives on the forum.

In a couple of words, I am shocked and stunned. Very stunned.

Yet as you are well aware, dear readers, the devil is in the details, so here they are.

After I viewed a lengthy, self serving gender treatise and rather obtuse and masturbatory tome on collecting posted by the group's moderator, I tried to liven things up with a silly, cheeky comment-that I was bigger than the mod and may want to marry- that did not make it to the board.

(Yes, I know, I am out of me head but after all, silly posts are common on the forum, with all sorts of sad souls making ridiculous statements, and even using the board as a lost and found and "looking for" so and so whom they have not seen since the brown acid at Woodstock dumb ass stuff that has little, if anything at all to do with the Beatles and collecting.

And, as I noted previously, it was this group, which was front and center in the "Get Spitz" jackal pack, until your correspondent helped to point out what they were doing, and they finally pissed off and on to other mundane meanderings. However, there are some well adjusted posters like Beatle collector and autograph expert Jim Kendall, who has helped me previously on news stories, and may in fact himself be not appreciated for some of his insightful comments.)

Then, another poster came up with a sob story about how some valuable items from their Beatles memorabillia collection had been ripped off by a "friend," and asked the group to be on the look out for his stuff.

Now, first off, we have no way of knowing if this story is true in any way. People have been known to do many things when dealing with insurance companies, so who knows what the real deal is?

But let's just assume for sake of argument that the post is legit.

I sent in a message saying that I was sorry for the loss-shocked and stunned, actually- and then asked eagle-eyed members to also be on the lookout for my autographs of Dirk, Stig, Nasty and Barry, that vanished during a flash fire in a water bed store in Esher, in 1984. Also, gone, I said, was my signed Tea Tyme Biscuits label from Lepo, dated 1962.

This, apparently, sent the odd mod sod over the edge, and subsequent posts attempted by moi, were bounced back to me by Yahoo, saying I was unable to post to the group, but to contact the moderator if I wished.

I did, and the ditz did not respond, nor has she ever, except to tell me that a book review I did on Spitz would not be allowed on the forum. Free speech? Hardly.

Petty, silly, little people who like to grab the wrong end of the stick and go about beating the Bushes with it.

Or, as Sid Vicious said the first time he quit the Sex Pistols, "NO fun, No fun!"

Yet, despite this, clearly notwithstanding, and in spite of, I hereby apoligize to God, Rod, and the mod, because, now, we have all this. And yes, it is true, I have had tea. In fact, I am on tea as I type.

I wrote what I wrote, and it was not wrong, or it was taken wrong, and now we have all this. Oops, all ready said that.

But overall, I think it shows that some are daft.

And if some of these blue meanies don't cut it out, I fear that, sadly, I will forced to accept a teaching post in Australia.

Although the US mail moves in slow and mysterious ways, I finally received my copy of the latest offering from the TOUP guys.

It is a DTS 5.1 mix of Paul McCartney's Ram, and it is, in a word, good.

And I know I have said this before about previous TOUP releases, but this surround sound Ram may just in fact be the best from the mysterious and crafty TOUPsters.

Excellent soundstage, clarity, balance, and bass make this a winner.

The sound filled up my room, and in many instances, sounded just as good as many discreet 5.1 mixes I have heard.

And although I would be very fine thank you without ever hearing Uncle Albert again, the TOUP mix at least makes it interesting, if not still cloying. Geez, Macca can be a dork at times.

(That was your first mistake: you took your lucky break, and broke it in two.)

TOUP mixmaster AKA The Veechster sez Ram came off good considering the "partial out-of-phase and weird (original) mix."

What TOUP manages with just stripping extractions from stereo recordings is truly amazing, and should be a wake-up call to the master fruit company also known as Apple. Geez, if these guys can do it with more than one hand tied behind their back, why not you'se, Corpse?

I know, I know, there are always "issues" around every Beatles and solo Fabs release, but by the time all the BS and lawsuits are sorted, the bloody technology in question may be obsolete!

So at least TOUP gives it the old college try, minus the dramas, and legals.

See-and hear-for yourselves, at www.toupltd.com

So by now some of you may have heard the rumours about a new Beatles album to appear in 2006, entitled "Heavy," as in more rock and roll, kick-ass compositions from the Fabs.

Sort of like a 1, on bennies and steroids.

But I agree with (Coach) AbbeyRd Steve, that this latest story, is just that. A story with very little founded in reality, although as I have stated many times boys and girlz, when it comes to Rutle Cor. et al, ANYTHING is possible, if not probable.

Yet enough of Apple wanking, on to even more and better super-wanking.

A certain Mr. Piero Scaruffi-www.scaruffi.com/vol1/beatles.html-has compiled some writings on the importance and quality of Beatles music, that I'm sure may push some of the more marginally emoted Fabs' fans round the bend.

Amongst many other things, Piero describes the Beatles collectively as "mediocre musicians," and says "Beatlemania created a comical, topical distortion."

Wow!

Has this guy got balls!

Every hard core fan and nut case this side of Day After Day' will be out for poor Peiro's hide.

Talk about jumping the shark, this guy may get eaten by a pack of 'em.

Yet I think it is good that there can be some discourse on the Fabs that does not include the wit, wisdom and truth of the Rutles.

That this Piero guy may also be pissing up a rope is another matter alltogether.

And just wait until the loopy lunatics at some of the Beatle Internet forums get hold of this-and they will, because despite protestations to the contrary, they still do read Beatle Bits if only to continue to hate your dear correspondent's guts-hell, some of 'em may even have a stroke!

Or at the least, barf up their breakfest.

So see: there is some good news for ' 06 after all!

All the best to you'se and yours, in 2006, and let's hope to hell we get some decent Beatle product this bloody year!

Elsewhere, I got some rather interesting e-mails and comments regarding Sean O'Lennon's recent quest for love, you know, talking up his loveless life in a NYPost gossip column and sort of begging for babes.

Some e'd to say that Sean was "pathetic."

One said he was a "spoiled brat."

An aquaintance of mine who once was present when Sean was interviewed in Canada, called the dear boy a "gear-box," and questioned exactly what kind of date Sean was really looking for.

And I guess Sean did not take my advice of going to the sheets, to Get A Piece By Chance, so presumably, he is still "miserable" and lovelorn in the Dakota.

Seriously, I don't know what to make of recent events.

When Sean's dad was feeling "miserable," that usually meant that he would make a great album, with the negative feelings turning on the creative taps, and great stuff like How Do You Sleep? pissing out.

So, I guess there is some question if Sean is in fact as Archie Bunker used to phrase it, "a chimp off the old block."

Dad would have surely explained to Sean that it takes AT LEAST one major hit record before the babes are at your command, and if you really wanna have your pick, go on tour.

Surely, John would have been aghast at such transparently wankishness behaviour, just to get a leg over.

So instead of wallowing, make a record Seany me boy. How's about Dateless at the Dakota for a title?

And then perhaps Sean should pack up for Hamburg, and play the Ratkeller, and then I'm sure all his girl problems would be over.

Yes, it's that easy, otherwise, as Sean already knows, you're gonna lose that girlz.